August 13, 2003
PORTERHOUSE BLUE
Novel by Tom Sharpe
Synopsis by Brian Aldrich
Retired politician SIR GODBER EVANS has been appointed the new Master at Porterhouse College, one of the ancient schools in Cambridge, England, by the Prime Minister himself. A progressive man married to an even more progressive wife LADY MARY, Godber breaks tradition and announces his intention to bring changes to the conservative college during the sacred feast. The other Fellows at the High Table, the DEAN, the SENIOR TUTOR, the BURSAR, and the CHAPLAIN, are insulted not only by his sacrilege, but by his radical intentions to cut the fat from the budget, increase scholarship, introduce females to the student body and the faculty, and do away with the practice of awarding unearned degrees to the sons of the wealthy in return for donations. They begin scheming of ways to get rid of Sir Godber.
A born servant of his betters, SKULLION has been the Chief Porter at Porterhouse for 45 years. He's not only kept the day to day business of the college running smoothly, but has maintained discipline among the students and put out the occasional fire. He's sacrificed all for the college in return for his status, power, a meager salary, and a home alongside the other servant homes on Rhyder Street. Along the way, he earned a little extra money by providing some of his "scholars" with ready-made term papers for a price. When he learns of the new Master's plans, he informs the Honorable SIR CATHCART D'EATH, one of his former "scholars" and a gentleman influential in politics.
Meanwhile, ZIPSTER, a Porterhouse student, finds himself struggling with a perverse sexual attraction to his obese housekeeper MRS. BIGGS. In order to find safe satisfaction with a female of his own age, he goes in search of a condom and finds himself in possession of two huge boxes of prophylactics. Trying to get rid of them before he is caught, he inflates them with gas and sends them up his dorm room fireplace. However, they get trapped in there at about the same time the amorous Mrs. Biggs traps him in his bed. An explosion not only takes their lives, but also destroys the façade of the ancient building.
Faced with the expensive costs of rebuilding, Godber decides to sell off the houses on Rhyder Street. This enrages Skullion who is facing the loss of his domicile. When the conservative Fellows band together to campaign against Godber's changes, he threatens them with the public exposure of their degrees in exchange for donations scam. The Bursar switches sides and agrees to help Godber affect his changes. Together, they decide to economize by firing Skullion.
Aware of the financial needs of the college, Skullion offers to turn over his 1000-pound inheritance from Lord Wurford for the benefit of the rebuilding, but the Bursar refuses this offer and advises him to seek retirement. This further enrages Skullion. The Dean and Cathcart invite former student turned tabloid journalist CORNELIUS CARRINGTON to do a show about the intended changes, hoping this will enrage the public and get rid of Godber. Carrington, a homosexual still angry about his abuse during his days at Porterhouse, decides to tell the whole dirty story on TV. Meanwhile, Skullion learns his inheritance is really worth a quarter of a million pounds. When he appears on Carrington's TV show, he exposes the degrees for donations scam. The sympathetic public screams for Skullion's reinstatement. The Fellows close ranks to save themselves, but victorious Godber takes over complete control of the college. Confused Skullion goes to Godber and begs for his job back. When Godber refuses, they begin to argue. Godber falls and cracks his head. Skullion flees. The Dean and the Senior Tutor find dying Godber who mumbles Skullion's name. They believe he is naming his own successor. Believing they can manipulate Skullion to their own advantage, they elect him as the new Master. Skullion has a stroke (a Porterhouse Blue) and becomes the wheelchair bound and mute new Master of Porterhouse College.
Summary Criticism: Besides frequent colloquial confusions, this novel is wickedly funny and satirical of all that is elitist and reactionary. The plotting is compelling and the characters are hilariously petty.
Porterhouse Blue (1987) - imdb
Porterhouse Blue (1987) - wiki
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