CHLOE
"Hello folks. May I confess something to you? Those people that ride on those electric scooters, I dislike them. I really, really dislike them, both the humans who ride them, and, the scooters themselves. There I am, trotting down the sidewalk with one of my beloved humans, and they come rushing toward us, forcing us off the concrete. Like I am supposed to forget that they are not supposed to be on the sidewalks, that they are supposed to wear helmets, and that there is no riding double? Do they care? No, they do not.
Noow, I don’t mind moving off the sidewalk. I mean, where else am I going to take a healthy piss or squeeze out a decent loaf? But I’m concerned for my humans who are intensely focused on me, and could become injured when one of these jokers suddenly appears on the sidewalk, without a helmet, riding in tandem, and crashes into them, causing a huge eruption of blood, and delaying my supper.
Don’t let this get around, but I try to pee and crap on the scooters. At first, I tried biting the exposed wires, but that darn plastic coating tastes worse than cat food. Have I ever told you how much I dislike Friskies? No. I just urinate and defecate on the scooters. That’s what I do. That’ll teach them a lesson. That’s what I believe.
Go Dalmatians."
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